The Toilet Saga: How not to use a toilet

Indians have a reputation, even from our own people, that we have a terrible toilet hygiene. Why is that the case? More so, when and where do we learn toilet hygiene?

For starters, it is largely from our homes and then we are conditioned at our educational institutions (from prep to PHD). The latter is usually the culprit for us for accepting poorly maintained toilet. As we grow and are employed in various organisations, this continues to be an issue. Admin teams across organisations at times fight a few losing battles, like the one to apply the best janitorial practices, train people, implement tools, and what not.

As I have been travelling solo and on a budget for a fairly long time now, I observed quite a few things and now I am pressed to call the masculine out there to be mindful of a few things. I would be mentioning about the other gender agnostic observations as well.

First and the foremost : The Toilet Seat

We as “men” have been trained to be in the fire rescue services and at times be Robinhood through our numerous “pee the farthest”, “straight in the hole”, “pee above this height” competitions. In other words, what might have been a matter of pride in those days, is just supremely uncool now.

However, during this backpacking journey of mine, I have came across situations where limited toilet options are available. Few are small ways we can be courteous to others.

  1. if a toilet seat is the only option available in a space, then use it to sit on it and pee comfortably. on the contrary, when you stand and pee, there are often droplets on that seat which isn’t cool and absolutely unhygienic. On masculine pledge I swear, sitting and peeing wont make to any less a man and definitely you wont fall down the drain.
  1. If a toilet seat is down, then PLEASE DO NOT pee over it. Please lift it gently to its position and resort to the die-hard penis pledge that every man is conditioned to follow because that is how a man is supposed to pee! Standing! I have had the misfortune of having to clean up for my use. Ideally if there is clean seat, sit on it and do the honors.

Second point to note : Spitting

  • Spitting Gum into the Urinal or even the wash basin. Absolutely uncool. Imagine somebody has to clean that up. Always spit the gum by wrapping it up in the dustbin. Be considerate to the ones who clean this.
  • Spitting Pan on the wall corners inside the bathroom. It is an ugly sight. Just to let you know most often people curse the ancestral genes of the person who would have done it. Therefore, it better not be you.

Other Vices

  • Smoking in the bathroom and leaving the butt in the toilet. This supremely uncool! Even the sight of a floating cigarette butt is disgusting. It makes anyone else going in there squirm in disgust, like they are inviting themselves into a gas chamber. I mean non-smokers and children alike. And if there is someone with an allergy, you are almost killing them and having them triggered.
  • Sex in the toilet is a great kink. Don’t leave a used condom in that toilet seat. See if there are other traces you can leave that motivate others to try it.
  • Leaving the toilet wet. Tip Tip Barsa Paani is a great song.  I still can’t get over Raveena Tandon in the song sequence. But it is a lousy sight when you enter a toilet wet and have water dripping. Try and leave it dry. And definitely turn off the tap tight. If it still doesn’t work, please let the space manager know about it. It would help save some water.

Toilet Saga : For My Dear Ladies

Menstruation is a blessing of fertility. When you do have to change sanitary pads, please don’t flush the used ones down the toilet seat. A blocked toilet is not a pretty sight and the quality of cuss worded song you accumulate when the reason is a sanitary pad, is definitely not grammy worthy. It would be very kind of you to take it back home and dispose responsibly.

Photo by Vanessa Ramirez

Toilet Saga : On A Serious Note

  1. Be the reason for not passing on urinary infection or any other diseases to other users.
  2. Be the reason for making it comfortable for any form human existence to use a convenience for their personal hygiene.
  3. Be the reason for the world to visit us without having to attend vipassana
  4. Be the reason for “Swach Bharat” to be a personal value than the photo ops cleaning up dry leaves and garbage.
  5. Be the reason for us men not earn the title of “Pig”

And The Disclaimer:

Any resemblance to anyone dead or alive, known to me or otherwise is purely uncoincidental. If this triggers you, then get your act cleaned up.Several animals were observed for their practices before writing this article.

And my Dakshina to the trolls

If you decide to troll on this post, I swear to you on my retort would be choicest words from god’s own country as we practice abuse as a praise to koduganllur bhagavati. Go find out more about Bharani Paatu. Just for general knowledge.


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